Overheard
by DarkPoltergeist
Summary: A collection of shorts where various people overhear Mulder and Scully and make assumptions…most of the time they are wrong…
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own the X Files, it is owned by Chris Carter and Fox. This is written for fun and not profit._

_AN: This will be ongoing as I find time for it. Please read and review and let me know if you like and want more? Reviews make the writing worth it._

**_Summary: A collection of shorts where various people overhear Mulder and Scully and make assumptions…most of the time they are wrong…  
_**

**Overheard – Part One**

By Dark Poltergeist

**The Storage Room  
**

Agent Pendrell was in search of Special Agent Dana Scully. She had asked him to do a special favor for her and have some lab work processed as soon as humanly possible in relation to a case that she and Agent Mulder were working on. Being the nice guy he was, and knowing full well that he had a crush on the beautiful red haired Agent Scully he had done as she asked and now had the test results in knowing how urgently she needed them he had decided to go in search of her rather than wait for her to come to him.

That's how he found himself approaching yet another storage room, this one in the basement, down the hall from the office that she shared with Agent Mulder. The door was ajar so he poked his head in, the light was on but the room seemed quiet, and he was ready to turn and leave when he suddenly heard movement noises and froze in place.

"Scully, your skirt is in the way."

"Then move it," she said.

"Ooh, Scully, how can I resist?"

Pendrell suddenly felt like he was intruding on a personal moment but try as he might, couldn't force himself to move.

"There, that's better," Mulder said smoothly. "Now I can see what I need to."

"Just be careful what you touch," Scully scolded but there was laughter in her voice.

"May I say the same to you, Agent Scully? Be careful, you never know what you might pull out."

I guess I'll have to take my chances, won't I?"

_Oh, God, what were they doing?_

"Come on, Scully, pull it out."

"Don't be so anxious, I'll get to it."

"Come on, reach for it, you know you want to, put those small hands to good use," his voice was filled with innuendos and she laughed.

"How do I know what I'm going to find? Hmm?"

He laughed. "I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. It's larger than you'd expect." He said with a hopeful note to his voice.

Pendrell had flushed with embarrassment as he felt the blood rush to his face.

_The rumors were true, they were involved! And making things personal, here at the office!_

There was a pause and a bit of noise that sounded like rustling.

"There, that's better, I have it now," Scully said with satisfaction. "Oh my, Mulder, it is bigger than I expected…"

"See? Told you."

"And it's hard, very hard…."

"I think you have that effect on all the men," Mulder said quietly.

Pendrell wished the floor would just open up and swallow him there.

"Mulder," she squeaked in embarrassment and they were quiet for a moment.

"All right, all right, come on Scully, quit playing around. Grab it, hold it, pull it out…rub it…whatever you need to do," he said dropping his voice.

Pendrell couldn't take it anymore he was torn between intense embarrassment and unwanted desire upon hearing Scully involved in such an intimate conversation. Unable and unwilling to confront them, he silently retreated back into the hallway, choosing to give Agent Scully her report back in the lab as she had originally instructed.

"Oooh, Scully, that's it…oh, yeah…"

Pendrell fled down the hall.

**What really happened**

The tapping of the pencil against the desk was annoying, and Scully looked up from her report over at Mulder who sat across from her. After a few moments he saw her staring at him.

"What? I'm thinking," he said.

"Can you think more quietly?"

"Come on, you like being distracted."

"By you? Hardly." She raised an eyebrow at him in mock anger but he only laughed.

"Why don't we go to the storage room?" He waggled his eyebrows at her and she didn't know if he was joking or serious with his innuendo.

"Mulder?" She asked uncertainly.

"Relax, Scully, there's something there that I need."

"And what would that be?"

"A box with an old case file, it may shed some light on what we're working on now," he gestured to the file she had set on her desk.

"You think they're related? It sounds like an ancient file if it's stuck in that old room," she wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Yeah, it's hardly used anymore, dusty to say the least. But I think if we can find the box there are some items in that box too." He frowned raking through his extensive memory of old case files. "There's something, a long, hard case with markings on it?"

"A long, hard case? Really, Mulder." She grinned at him.

"Make of it what you will, but I think the markings could be related. We need to find the box and the case first though. Think you're ready for an adventure in the old storage room?" His hazel eyes twinkled at her in amusement.

"Do I have too?" Scully made an unhappy face. "I'm not at all sure that there aren't…creatures…in there."

"You could be right; God knows no one goes in there very much. Don't worry, Scully, I'll protect you."

"I'm holding you to that," she promised, her eyes lighting with the fire that Mulder loved.

"After you," he said, holding the door and guiding her out with his hand on the small of her back.

The room was small, cramped, stuffy, and dusty, and Scully was sure that she heard skittering noises that had nothing to do with their being there. She gave Mulder a pleading look but he shook his head and pushed her forward. Mulder led them through a couple of rows so that they were just out of sight of the doorway, hidden behind too many untouched, dusty items. She was surprised at how high the ceiling was in this room, and rather dismayed to find that the shelves here extended almost all the way up to the top. Someone was obviously trying to use all the space available in this room with rather disastrous effects.

"There," Mulder stopped and pointed at a spot that was even above his head, at a box with smeared lettering that must have been a case designation at one time. "That's the one we need."

"And how are we going to get it? Even you can't reach that high." She crossed her arms in front of her.

"I know," he snapped his fingers and disappeared into the dimly lit rows behind where they stood. He reappeared a few moments later with a questionable looking step ladder in hand, and set it up in front of where the box was. Then he looked at her and patted a step on the ladder.

"You've got to be kidding me. Why would I set a foot on that death trap?"

"Because I'm asking nicely, because I'll hold the ladder and won't let anything happen to you, and because the ladder won't support my weight."

She looked at the ladder and realized he was right. She put her hands on it and tested it, and found that it seemed old but sturdy, but was indeed past the point where it could support a healthy, substantial man like Mulder. She regarded the ladder with a dubious expression and then looked at the dark area where the file box was and saw no other way to get there.

"You promise to catch me if I fall?" She asked with a sigh.

"I will always catch you, Scully, I promise." Mulder said it with such sincerity that she found herself giving him a questioning look.

"Well, all right," she said and braced herself to make her way up the suspicious ladder. She ascended the steps carefully, Mulder holding the ladder beneath her. She paused, hesitating before reaching her hand into the dark space.

"Scully, your skirt is in the way."

"Then move it," she said.

"Ooh, Scully, how can I resist?"

"There, that's better," Mulder said smoothly. "Now I can see what I need to."

"Just be careful what you touch," Scully scolded but there was laughter in her voice.

"May I say the same to you, Agent Scully? Be careful, you never know what you might pull out."

"I guess I'll have to take my chances, won't I?"

Scully gingerly felt around the dark shelf and thought she felt something, a hard cylindrical object next to the box.

"Come on, Scully, pull it out."

"Don't be so anxious, I'll get to it."

"Come on, reach for it, you know you want to, put those small hands to good use," his voice was filled with innuendos and she laughed.

"How do I know what I'm going to find? Hmm?"

He laughed. "I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. It's probably larger than you'd expect." He said with a hopeful note to his voice.

Well, it wasn't a small case that was certain. And the exterior was hard, what was it made out of? Stone? Ivory?

There was a pause and a bit of noise that sounded like rustling as she reached for the case and successfully retrieved it, bringing it out into the light.

"There, that's better, I have it now," Scully said with satisfaction. "Oh my, Mulder, it is bigger than I expected…"

"See? Told you."

"And it's hard, very hard…." What is it made of she wondered? Some type of stone, she decided, it was too heavy to be ivory.

"I think you have that effect on all the men," Mulder said quietly.

"Mulder," she squeaked in embarrassment and they were quiet for a moment.

"All right, all right, come on Scully, quit playing around. Grab it, hold it, pull it out…rub it…whatever you need to do," he said dropping his voice and giving her a playful look.

Rolling her eyes, Scully carefully began to rub the dust off of the object.

"Oooh, Scully, that's it…oh, yeah…"

With a noise of exasperation she made her way down the ladder, slapped the object against his chest, and pushed him out of the way, sneezing as she left. The sound of his laughter followed along behind her.


	2. Chapter 2 - Frozen Treats

_Disclaimer: I do not own the X Files, it is owned by Chris Carter and Fox. This is written for fun and not profit._

_AN: This will be ongoing as I find time for it. Please read and review and let me know if you like and want more? Reviews make the writing worth it._

_**Summary: A collection of shorts where various people overhear Mulder and Scully and make assumptions…most of the time they are wrong…**_

**Overheard – Part One**

By Dark Poltergeist

**Frozen Treats**

It had been a week since she had seen Fox. She had called him twice in that time but he hadn't bothered to return her calls, and that didn't sit well with Diana Fowley who was more interested in Fox that she cared to admit. Since she was not a woman to wait for something to happen, she determined that it was time for her to make an appearance in his life again. Time was hard to find with her various assignments for both parties involved, but she wasn't going to distract her from the pursuit of her man.

They had a history together, she knew how to manipulate him, and she planned to put that knowledge to good use.

Hopefully that red haired bitch of a partner wasn't with him at the moment. There was bad blood between them, and Diana had no illusions that Scully saw the truth about her that Fox refused to see. No matter. When push came to shove that small woman couldn't possibly compete for his heart.

Approaching the X-files office she saw that the door was slightly open. She was about to walk in when she was stopped by the sound of Fox's voice.

"Can I taste yours then?" he asked suggestively.

Damn, that little witch must be there.

"Nah, uh, why should I?"

"Because I'm asking nicely instead of just taking."

"So you think you would just take this from me?"

"I could," Fox said, his voice dropping an octave.

There was some limited scuffling and Diana took a step back so as not to be seen.

"Stop squirming, and let me have some," Mulder growled.

"Ohh, Mulder, are you sure you can handle it?" The register of Scully's voice had dropped as well. She was clearly trying to seduce him.

"Honey, I can handle anything you can throw at me."

"So you say; why don't you prove it? Hmm?"

"Prove it? You want me to prove it? I'll show you," he said and there was more scuffling and some giggling.

Giggling? Special Agent Scully? She didn't think that woman knew how to crack a smile much less giggle.

"So I guess this means I should suck on your popsicle?"" Scully purred.

"Ooohh, Scully, would you? I can't wait to see your lips wrapped around it, taking in all those juices."

"Did you have to get banana? Really Mulder?" She giggled again.

Diana was livid, she heard, actually heard sucking noises.

"Well, it is rather hard, at least at the moment," that seductive voice practically hummed with happiness.

Diana could just see that small, useless woman taking her Fox in her mouth, pleasuring him, and her blood boiled in anger.

"It won't last if you keep doing that," Mulder breathed, breathless. "Jesus, Scully!"

"So you think I know what I'm doing?"

"Dana, your lips should be worshipped," he groaned. "I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"Here, let me have that, I want to lick that." She said and there was a sound of some shifting around.

"Dana…" he whispered and then groaned.

"You're so easy, Mulder!" She teased.

"Only for you, Dana," his voice was that sexy tone now that Diana loved.

"Umm, creamy…." Scully enthused and Diana simply couldn't take anymore.

That horrible bitch was taking what was hers and she was damned if she was going to let that happen! She would find some way to wrest him away from her arms. In the meantime if she caught them consorting in the FBI office there would be hell to pay. Fox would be collateral damage, but he would get over it and in the meantime she could take down that too smart, too independent woman that was his partner.

She burst into the room and saw Mulder and Scully side by side leaning against the desk. He was eating a popsicle, and she was eating an ice cream cone. Scully stared at Diana and smiled sweetly and Diana wanted to kill her.

"Diana! What are you doing here?" Mulder was genuinely surprised.

Diana overtly noticed Fox's subsiding erection, still tucked within his pants, which would indicate that nothing had really happened between the two of them? She turned a questioning gaze on Agent Scully.

"Agent Fowley, what a surprise?" Scully purred her laughter at Diana's expense apparent in her eyes.

Diana had been played like a fish by a master fisherman and she didn't like it one little bit.

"You bitch!" Diana began, but stopped when she saw the disapproving look on Mulder's face.

"Problem, Diana? Bet you thought we were having more than ice cream, didn't you?" Scully asked a smug expression on her face.

Mulder blinked and looked from one woman to the other, reran the conversation in his mind, and knew exactly what Scully had done. Somehow she knew that Diana was out in the hallway and used that to her advantage, playing off his infamous innuendos. He could be upset but what was the point? He looked at the floor to collect himself as he was amused but didn't want Diana to be too pissed off at him. He knew that at least for the moment he would have to choose a side and he was having far too good of a time with his partner to stop now. And if he played things right maybe those innuendoes could lead somewhere.

"Fox!" Diana turned to him, her eyes pleading with him. "You aren't going to let her treat me like that, are you?"

Mulder felt two sets of eyes on him and although Scully was still smiling, he knew that she was serious now. He looked from one to the other, and then solemnly back at Diana.

"Diana, you came here, expected the worst of us, and then called my partner a bitch. I think that you should apologize, and if you are unable to do that you should leave," he said quietly.

He saw Scully's eye glitter in surprise and then triumph as she smiled at Diana and his heart did a little flip when she gave him a heartfelt smile.

"Goodbye, Fox," Diana said and turned away from him.

"Hey, you have some ice cream on your face," Mulder said and reached over with a napkin to wipe it away from the corner of her lip.

Dismissed and seething with anger at their dismissal of her, she turned on her heel and disappeared down the hallway.

**What Really Happened….**

The basement office was hot, hot and humid, and Dana Scully blew a wisp of hair away from her face and looked over at her partner of almost six years. Mulder had his face all but buried in the file he was reading and from the look on his face; she could see his thoughts immersed in the crime that had been committed. It wasn't an official X-file yet, and no doubt Mulder was going to determine if it should be or not.

But Scully was bored, bored and really warm. It was way past time for a break.

"Mulder?"

He didn't look up so she tried again.

"Mulder?"

Still nothing.

"Mulder, I am so hot that I am considering striping naked and walking through the halls of the Hoover building."

"Huh, what?" He blinked and looked at her, wondering exactly what it was that he had heard her say.

"Figures that would get you to look up," She smirked. "Hey, we need a break. We've been cooped up down her for four hours, it's hot and humid, and I really am thinking about stripping naked to cool off."

"Ooh, Scully, now you have my attention."

"I thought as much. Come on," she said and removed the file from his hand and set it on his desk. Then she grabbed his hand and pulled him out of his seat.

"Where are we going?" He asked, allowing her to lead him out of the office.

"You're going to buy me ice cream," she said.

"Well if you put it like that, how can I turn down that offer? And if I buy does that mean I can like your ice cream cone?"

"Mulder!" He put his hand on the small of her back and guided her through the door. 

They returned to their office a short time later, trying to get back before their ice cream melted. The day was so hot that the ice cream vendor located on a nearby street had all but run out of ice cream. He only had enough for one cone, so Mulder let Scully have the ice cream cone and instead settled for a popsicle.

They leaned against the desk for a few moments in companionable silence.

"Scully, this is a good idea, it really is hot today."

"Well thank you for letting me have the ice cream, but Mulder, a popsicle? And banana?" She laughed.

"Hey, nothing wrong with banana flavored popsicles," he protested and waited just a moment. "Scully?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you like banana?"

She laughed and smirked at him. "Depend on the context of the banana I guess."

"Ooh naughty woman," he grinned at her. "Hey, since I did give up the ice cream will you at least let me have a taste?" His eyes sparkled with mischief.

"I don't know, Mulder. Can I taste your popsicle?"

"Can I taste yours then?" he inquired suggestively.

"Nah, uh, why should I?" Scully teased with a raised eyebrow.

"Because I'm asking nicely instead of just taking." Mulder took a step towards her.

"So you think you would just take this from me?"

"I could," Fox said, his voice dropping an octave as he tried to reach for her ice cream cone, but she turned away from him, resisting his long reach.

As she turned, Scully caught a glimpse of someone standing just outside of their partially opened office door and saw Diana Fowley standing there eavesdropping. Now what could she do with that knowledge to drive her adversary crazy? She instantly seized on flirting with Mulder. She didn't do it much, but it was entertaining and maybe one of these days they would both be serious enough to actually do something about it.

All of this happened in the blink of an eye as Mulder made another attempt to reach the ice cream cone in her hand.

"Stop squirming, and let me have some," Mulder growled.

"Ohh, Mulder, are you sure you can handle it?" The register of Scully's voice had dropped as well into her seductive register.

"Honey, I can handle anything you can throw at me." He waggled his eyebrows at her.

"So you say; why don't you prove it? Hmm?" She flirted with him.

"Prove it? You want me to prove it? I'll show you," he said and finally got the ice cream cone away from her and gave her the popsicle instead.

She giggled at him, and he grinned back at her.

"So I guess this means I should suck on your popsicle?" Scully purred, and gave him a languishing look.

"Ooohh, Scully, would you? I can't wait to see your lips wrapped around it, taking in all those juices," Mulder said, his voice giving out on him as he watched Scully.

"Did you have to get banana? Really Mulder?" She giggled again, and he watched as she carefully put the popsicle in her mouth, and slowly began to lick it, all the while her eyes locked with Mulder's.

"Well, it is rather hard, at least at the moment," that seductive voice practically hummed with happiness and Mulder had to swallow again as he felt a not unexpected reaction taking place in his lower regions.

"It won't last if you keep doing that," Mulder was breathless. "Jesus, Scully!"

"So you think I know what I'm doing?"

Mulder watched her, entranced, trying to will his reaction to her to subside, but at the moment she was completely irresistible.

"Dana, your lips should be worshipped," he groaned. "I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"Here, let me have that, I want to lick that." She said and there was a sound of some shifting around as she once again reached for her ice cream cone, claiming it as she handed his popsicle back to him.

"Dana…" he whispered as she stepped closer, and then groaned.

"You're so easy, Mulder!" She teased, aware of exactly how he had affected him, and terribly pleased that she had been the one to get him so turned on.

"Only for you, Dana," his voice was that sexy tone now that Scully had never admitted to him that she loved.

Ice cream cone in hand, she put it to her lips and licked it, getting some on the corner of her mouth.

"Umm, creamy…." Scully enthused, but leaned back against the desk, Mulder setting in beside her.

It was at that moment that Diana burst into the room, skidding to a halt as she found the two of them side by side leaning against the desk eating frozen treats. The look on her face went from outrage, to surprise, to shock as she stared at them. Scully smiled sweetly at the murderous look on Diana's face.

"Diana! What are you doing here?" Mulder was genuinely surprised.

Diana overtly noticed Fox's subsiding erection, still tucked in his pants, which would indicate that nothing had really happened between the two of them? She turned a questioning gaze on Agent Scully.

"Agent Fowley, what a surprise?" Scully purred her laughter at Diana's expense apparent in her eyes.

"You bitch!" Diana began, but stopped when she saw the disapproving look on Mulder's face.

"Problem, Diana? Bet you thought we were having more than ice cream, didn't you?" Scully asked a smug expression on her face.

Mulder blinked and looked from one woman to the other, reran the conversation in his mind, and knew exactly what Scully had done. Somehow she knew that Diana was out in the hallway and used that to her advantage, playing off his infamous innuendos. He could be upset but what was the point? He looked at the floor to collect himself as he was amused but didn't want Diana to be too pissed off at him. He knew that at least for the moment he would have to choose a side and he was having far too good of a time with his partner to stop now. And if he played things right maybe those innuendoes could lead somewhere.

"Fox!" Diana turned to him, her eyes pleading with him. "You aren't going to let her treat me like that, are you?"

Mulder felt two sets of eyes on him and although Scully was still smiling, he knew that she was serious now. He looked from one to the other, and then solemnly back at Diana.

"Diana, you came here, expected the worst of us, and then called my partner a bitch. I think that you should apologize, and if you are unable to do that you should leave," he said quietly.

He saw Scully's eyes glitter in surprise and then triumph as she smiled at Diana and his heart did a little flip when she gave him a heartfelt smile.

"Goodbye, Diana," Scully said and turned away from him.

"Hey, you have some ice cream on your face," Mulder said and reached over with a napkin to wipe it away from the corner of her lip.

Dismissed and seething with anger at their dismissal of her, she turned on her heel and disappeared down the hallway.

Mulder shook his head, and stared after the sound of Diana's retreating footsteps until Scully put her hand on his face and turned him to face her so that she was looking into his eyes.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he said and gave her a confused look, wondering what she was up to.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For sticking up for me. I know it's harder to do that with Agent Fowley."

"Scully…" he began, uncertain what to say on this very touchy subject between them.

"For the moment I am going to ignore the rest of it and say thank you for this one time."

"You're welcome," Mulder reached out and touched her face, allowing his fingertips to brush her cheeks softly.

"I need to do this right," Scully said and put her hand on the back of his head, weaving her fingers into his thick, dark hair and pulled his head down for a long, lingering kiss.

"Well, that's definitely right," Mulder said, looking a bit dazed as she released him.

"And what's that pressing against me?" She asked, her mouth crinkling into a beautiful smile.

"It sure ain't a popsicle," Mulder laughed into her hair and released her. "Scully? Does this mean?" He shook his head. "What exactly does this mean?"

"It means that I appreciate what you did and wanted to thank you."

"So this changes nothing?" He asked in a deflated tone of voice.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that, Mulder."

"Dana Scully you are a horrible tease. Don't keep me guessing, what would you say then? Is this only for now? Or for somewhere over the course of our lives?" His voice was light, but his expression serious.

"A good question," she said and stepped away from him.

He watched her, hardly daring to breathe. "And the answer?" He whispered.

"Not today, but definitely sooner than over the course of our lives." She pulled his head down and grazed her lips across his. "Give me some time, Mulder, and we'll get there."

"I will, Dana, I promise."

"That's all I can ask," she said and stepped away from him. "After our treats I got a bit sticky and have to go clean up. I'll be back soon," she smiled and disappeared through the doorway.

Mulder expelled a long held breath, trying to calm down. Feeling in need of a bathroom break himself, he left their office to go and clean up.


	3. Chapter 3-Wardrobe Malfunction

**_Disclaimer: I do not own the X Files, it is owned by Chris Carter and Fox. This is written for fun and not profit._**

**_AN: This will be ongoing as I find time for it. Please read and review and let me know if you like and want more? Reviews make the writing worth it._**

**_Summary: A collection of shorts where various people overhear Mulder and Scully and make assumptions…most of the time they are wrong…_**

**Overheard – Part One**

By Dark Poltergeist

**Wardrobe Malfunction**

It had already been a long day and Skinner was tired. He had been in meetings, dealing with bureaucracy for the greater part of the day, and now had a late afternoon appointment with his favorite and least favorite agents depending on the day. He sighed and ran his hand over his bald head as he approached the desk of his secretary, Kim. She sat in her chair with an unexplained smile on her face.

"Kim, what?" He asked her in a low voice.

She held up a finger to her lips, shushing him and rolled her eyes to his partially open office door. Shaking his head at her odd behavior he approached the door cautiously and stopped to listen. The first thing he heard was Mulder's voice.

"Scully!" He whined.

"Mulder, hold still so that I can get a better look!" She scolded.

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one with the problem."

"That's because I'm not a man," she teased.

"Yeah, I did notice that," he replied softly. "You're beautiful, Scully."

"Mulder stop! You don't mean that."

"Sure I do. I don't let just anybody help me the way you are."

She made a dubious little noise.

"Scully, it's not that bad is it?"

"Well, I thought it would be smaller," she said.

Skinner almost choked and had to smother a cough. What the hell?

"Umm, Scully you have the best hands, I'm sure you can take care of this for me."

"Yeah, well, Mulder, I didn't think it would be so big." She paused. "This is really hard…"

Skinner blushed and looked over at Kim who had buried her face in her arms, her sides shaking with laughter. He bit his cheeks as he discovered the humor in the situation and listened again.

"Jesus, Scully. Do something with it. Just don't look at it."

There was a small pause.

"Scully!"

"I'm not sure what to do," she said uncertainly.

"But you're a woman, of course you know what to do."

"Being a woman automatically makes me good at this?"

"I would think so. You certainly should know how to fix this."

"Mulder, sit down. Maybe if I get on my knees I'll have a better angle…"

Skinner's eyebrows would have disappeared into his hair by now, if he had hair, instead they were almost resting on the top of his head. And he didn't dare look at Kim who was now silently thumping the desk as she continued to laugh.

"Come here, I need to hold it."

"Oooh, Scully, are you sure?"

"Shut the hell up."

"Then stop rubbing it."

"Rubbing? Oh, Mulder…"

There was the sound of shuffling and it was quiet for a few moments.

"Don't be embarrassed, this is one of my favorite fantasies."

'Mulder," she murmured.

"I've always wanted to see your lips that close."

"In your dreams," she muttered.

"Sometimes," he said.

Some more noise, shuffling sounds.

"Hey, you didn't finish!" He complained.

"Sorry, Mulder, you're on your own."

"You're going to leave me like this? Exposed for the rest of the day?"

"Guess that you'll have to help yourself," Scully said.

"Wouldn't be the first time," Mulder muttered. "You're sure? I'd much rather have you take care of my little problem," his voice dropped to a low caressing tone.

"I'm sure you would," she purred.

Skinner couldn't take it anymore. He refused to look at Kim and slowly counted to ten so that he could regain his composure. Kim's laughter was infectious and he wasn't sure what it was that he would really walk in on. Despite the rumors Mulder and Scully had always behaved professionally, and he believed that they were just close friends. Very close friends. But now Skinner was beginning to wonder how close? So he thought maybe he would play with them a little, depending, of course on the situation.

"Scully, come on. Just pull it up…maybe your little fingers could take care of it…."

Skinner walked in on them at that moment, and found Scully kneeling in front of Mulder, hands on his thighs as she frowned up at him. Mulder quickly turned his back to Skinner, and wheeled away from Scully who scampered to her feet, blushing profusely.

Just what in the hell were they really doing?

**What Really Happened**

Scully's heels clicked on the tile floor as she hurried along, pulling Mulder in her wake. They had a meeting with Skinner that they were supposed to be at ten minutes ago, and she hated being late. Her partner had just finished his part of the report five minutes ago under her reproachful eyes. She took the report, quickly put it in the file folder, and turned and wheeled out of the office leaving Mulder to trail along behind her.

"Scully, stop!"

"Mulder, we're late."

"I know, but we have to stop."

"Why?" She asked in a clipped no nonsense voice.

"I have a problem."

"So what else is new?"

"It needs to be fixed before our meeting or I'm going to embarrass myself."

"So embarrass yourself, I'm not going to be any later than we already are."

"Scully," he whined.

But she ignored him and marched down the hall to Skinner's office, blew past Kim and entered Skinner's office to find it empty.

"Thank God," Mulder expelled a breath. "Now will you help me?"

"Mulder? What are you going on about?" Scully turned to him, exasperated.

"I told you, I have an unexpected problem and I need some help."

She shrugged her shoulders and gave him a look asking to what was he referring? He met her eyes and pointedly looked at the crotch of his pants.

"Mulder?" She questioned, wondering what he was trying to indicate.

"Scully, relax. My zipper's messed up. I can't get it to close…I was…hoping you would help me? I can't walk around like this all day…"

"Oh, Mulder, only you." She sighed. "All right, I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you," he breathed a sigh of relief.

She frowned at him, reluctant to look at the front of Mulder's pants, it was really just a bit too personal. She couldn't believe that he had asked her to help him in this way.

"Mulder, I don't know, this is just a bit much to ask of me, don't you think?"

"Scully!" He whined.

"Mulder, hold still so I can get a better look!" She scolded as she tentatively looked at his fly and saw that it was indeed having issues; it seemed locked two thirds of the way down, stuck in the material surrounding it.

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one with the problem."

"That's because I'm not a man," she teased.

"Yeah, I did notice that," he replied softly. "You're beautiful, Scully." He didn't mean to blurt it out but he couldn't help himself, then he tried not to think of the sensitive area of his anatomy that she was in close proximity to.

"Mulder stop! You don't mean that," she muttered, not seeing the look of adoration on his face as he watched her.

"Sure I do. I don't let just anybody help me the way you are."

She made a dubious little noise, but grinned up at him.

"Scully, it's not that bad is it?" He was concerned by how long she was taking, he thought that someone else would have better luck with the recalcitrant zipper, it was always easier to unstick it while you were not wearing clothing.

"Well, I thought it would be smaller," she said, indicating the amount of fabric stuck in the zipper.

"Umm, Scully you have the best hands, I'm sure you can take care of this or me." He watched her hands as they tugged on the zipper, trying to free it from the tenacious fabric, and tried to think of things other than the proximity of her hands.

"Yeah, well, Mulder, I didn't think it would be so big." She paused. "This is really hard…"

Speaking of hard… he thought.

"Jesus, Scully. Do something with it. Just don't look at it." He growled, trying to think of anything to cool off his errant thoughts.

There was a small pause and Scully stood up and studied him and his pants, and sighed.

"Scully!"

"I'm not sure what to do," she said uncertainly.

"But you're a woman, of course you know what to do." How could she not know how to unstick a zipper?

"Being a woman automatically makes me good at this?"

"I would think so. You certainly should know how to fix this."

"Mulder, sit down. Maybe if I get on my knees I'll have a better angle…"

He eyed her dubiously, not at all sure about getting into a situation like this despite the fact his zipper was broken.

"Come here, I need to hold it," she indicated the material that the zipper was locked on.

"Oooh, Scully, are you sure?" He tried to make a joke of it.

"Shut the hell up."

"Then stop rubbing it," he said pointedly.

She looked up at him, and then back down at him, and blushed as she noticed the reaction he was beginning to have to her.

"Rubbing? Oh, Mulder…"

She moved away from him.

"Don't be embarrassed, this is one of my favorite fantasies."

'Mulder," she murmured, and looked away.

"I've always wanted to see your lips that close."

"In your dreams," she muttered, trying to turn this into a joke.

"Sometimes," he said, his voice far too serious for her liking.

She moved further away.

"Hey, you didn't finish!" He complained.

"Sorry, Mulder, you're on your own."

"You're going to leave me like this? Exposed for the rest of the day?" He looked down at his still open fly.

"Guess that you'll have to help yourself," Scully said, and tried not to blush.

"Wouldn't be the first time," Mulder muttered. "You're sure? I'd much rather have you take care of my little problem," his voice dropped to a low caressing tone.

"I'm sure you would," she purred.

"Scully, come on. Just pull it up…maybe your little fingers could take care of it…."

Skinner suddenly walked through the door, and Scully quickly got off her knees and scrambled to her feet, pushing off Mulder's thighs as she stood up.

As soon as Scully was on her feet, Mulder turned around trying to hide his problematic open fly from his boss.

"Agents, is there a problem?" Skinner inquired with a serious expression

"No, no problem, sir," Scully said, the flush in her cheeks finally going away.

"Agent Mulder?"

"No, sir, no problem, sir." He said, his back still turned to Skinner.

"Agent Mulder, I expect you to face me, when you talk to me."

"I'd rather not, sir."

"And why is that?" He cleared his throat noisily. "Is there something I should be aware of?"

"It's nothing, sir," Scully tried to defend her partner.

"I wouldn't say nothing," Mulder grumbled behind her.

Skinner tried very hard no to laugh at them and found himself biting his cheeks as he struggled to maintain his stern expression.

"Agents, it appeared you were in a compromising position when I entered my office. Would you care to explain that?"

Scully dropped her eyes to the floor and blushed.

"It's not what you think, sir," Mulder said.

"Agent Mulder, I've had enough of this, turn around to face me." Skinner's voice allowed for no argument and Mulder reluctantly turned around.

"Yes, sir." Mulder, red faced, turned to look at his boss.

"Mulder?" Skinner surveyed the agent who was fully dressed, but paused as his gaze travelled downward and he saw Mulder's open fly and partial erection.

"It's stuck, sir."

Skinner raised an eyebrow.

"The zipper in my fly, I mean. I had convinced Scully to take a look at it, I mean to help me with it…

Scully scowled at him.

"Agent Scully? May I inquire as to how you were doing that?"

"I was trying to unstick the zipper from the material, sir."

"But you had no luck?"

She shook her head and looked away from her boss, her face still flushed.

"Maybe it's time you buy a new pair of pants, Agent Mulder."

"I think that's an excellent idea, sir."

"Go home, Agent Mulder and change your pants. This time wear a pair with a working zipper."

Mulder breathed an audible sigh of relief. "I'll be very happy to do that."

"Oh, and leave Agent Scully here." He gave the other man a skeptical look. "I'm assuming you don't need her to dress you?"

"No, sir, though I'm sure she would be very helpful."

"Mulder!" Scully couldn't help it, she hit him.

He gave them both his most disapproving look. "Dismissed," he said.

They scurried out of his office and once they were well out of hearing range he sat back in his chair and began to laugh, and he laughed until he felt the tears in his eyes. God, how boring would the FBI be without those two around? Still grinning, he picked up the paperwork on his desk and began to go through it. Somehow the day wasn't nearly so depressing anymore.


	4. Chapter 4 - Tormenting Bill

_Disclaimer: I do not own the X Files, it is owned by Chris Carter and Fox. This is written for fun and not profit._

_AN: This will be ongoing as I find time for it. Please read and review and let me know if you like and want more? Reviews make the writing worth it._

**Summary: A collection of shorts where various people overhear Mulder and Scully and make assumptions…most of the time they are wrong…**

**This one takes place after All Things…**

**Overheard – Part Four**

**By Dark Poltergeist**

**Tormenting Bill**

The silence settled between them as Bill sat down on his sister's couch, full from the dinner they had just finished. When he had tried to surprise Scully with an invitation to dinner, he hadn't known that she had dinner plans with her partner, the detested Fox Mulder. Despite his attempt to cajole her into dumping Mulder and instead going to dinner with him, the brother that she seldom saw, Dana refused to budge on her dinner plans with her partner, but she did agree to a compromise. They could all have dinner together at her apartment. With grudging assent, Bill agreed. He was determined to spend time with his little sister even if it meant putting up with her partner. So he gritted his teeth and somehow managed to slide through dinner despite the smart ass and disrespectful remarks of the male FBI agent.

Now Bill sat in Dana's living room with her in the nearby armchair and him in the couch. Mulder had excused himself and disappeared into Dana's guest room which had Bill imagining all sorts of things that he didn't want to think about. Was his sister romantically involved with that loser? She had always denied it, but something had changed between them, he could just feel it. He gave his sister a sharp glance and was surprised by her steady gaze.

"Thanks for dinner, Dana," he said.

"You're welcome, Bill. I'm glad you stopped by."

"Sure I wasn't interrupting anything?" he asked snidely, unable to stop the words from escaping. Apparently his politeness in this situation had a time limit and he had just reached it.

"No, why would you say that?" Dana frowned.

"He's in your guest room, for Christ's sake!"

The silence that dropped between them was cold and instant and Bill knew he was in for a fight.

"Yes, and?" Scully arched her eyebrow.

"And it looks like he's staying here."

"Hmm, is that how it looks?" She paused. "And what if he is?"

"You can't be serious. Are you?" Bill's face scrunched up as the rage threatened to explode from it. "You know what people will think?"

"Gee, I don't know, Bill, why don't you tell me?" Her voice had hardened.

"They're going to think that you're sleeping with him."

"I see. Has it occurred to you that I'm a grown woman and capable of managing my own life, but thank you so much for your offer to help."

"Stop being so sarcastic, Dana. You know he's no good for you."

"No, that's what you think. I know better." Her eyes were now blue fire.

"After everything he's done? Everything he's put you through?" He gave her a hard look. "You aren't sleeping with him, are you?"

"He's my partner." She stood up and made an offensive gesture at her brother.

"So you're not?" Bill looked relieved.

"It doesn't matter if I am or not. It's none of your god dammed business!"

"You're my little sister and I have to protect you from men like….him," he finished with disdain.

Angry, she threw up her hands again, trying to prevent herself from throttling him. "Stay here, I'm going to see what Mulder's doing."

She stormed out of the room muttering under her breath in a less than flattering tone things that undoubtedly referred to her brother.

So he sat there waiting on her godforsaken couch thinking all sorts of rude and unflattering things about his sister until he diverted his wrath to thoughts of her irresponsible and dangerous partner.

It was clear that Dana would never have begun to act this way without his influence, she was such a well behaved woman and caring sister until she became his partner. Then it seemed all her manners, all her beliefs were forever altered because of this nutcase! And how and why she stood up for him was beyond his understanding, especially after all the harm he had caused their family.

Bill was getting himself worked up into a fine frenzy when he realized it had been more than a few minutes and that Dana hadn't returned from the guest room where Mulder seemed to have taken up residence. Then he heard the sound of low voices. Unable to help himself he got up from the couch and approached the door that was partially ajar, cursing when he almost tripped and had to regain his balance. The murmur of their voices continued as it seemed they hadn't heard him, so he stopped to listen.

"Are you ready, Scully?"

"About as ready as I'm going to get tonight, Mulder."

"You don't sound like you're in the mood."

"Maybe you'll have to get me in the mood," she said, her voice dropping low.

_What the hell?_ Bill began to shake with rage as he continued to listen.

"That, I can do."

There was some rustling and then it was quiet for a moment and Bill wished that he could see through the door at what they were doing.

"Mmm I like that," his sister purred.

"Then I'll continue, but this would be easier with less clothing" Mulder said, and there was more rustling.

"Careful with that, I like that top."

"No problem," he promised. "Now where is your sensitive spot?"

"Lower please," she asked and moaned suddenly.

"I take it I've found a spot?"

"Oh, honey, you have no idea." She paused for a moment. "Fair is fair, off with your shirt," she stated and more rustling sounds.

_Jesus, they were getting out of their clothes while he was still here in the living room._

"Oh, Dana, you know what I like." Mulder growled.

"I like your chest and this," she murmured and he groaned.

Bill nearly had a heart attack at Dana's next words.

"Ohh, Mulder, so nice and firm, just the way I like it."

"Stroke it, honey, stroke it," Mulder implored. "Oh, you stopped," he said disappointed.

Bill sighed in relief.

"Do you trust me, Mulder?"

"Of course," he answered.

"Then I have a surprise for you. Come here," she said, her voice dropping an octave and sounding sexy.

Bill chafed uncomfortably.

Again the soft murmurings that he couldn't make out, and soft smacking sounds.

"Scully? What are you doing?"

Did Mulder sound just a bit apprehensive?

"Ohh, kinky!" He gushed at the sound of Scully's murmured voice.

Bill could practically hear him grinning and he almost groaned. _Now what in the hell were they up to?_

"You're going to tie me up?" He asked.

"Yes. Then I'm going to torture you."

'Do tell. And how do you plan to do that?" Mulder drawled.

"It's simple, I start by working on your chest…and gradually make my way south…"

There were more smacking sounds and Mulder groaned.

"Oh, Scully, I like south…"

Bill hated south, listening to this was too much but somehow it didn't occur to him to leave.

"Then I open your pants so that I can do this..."

His sister purred, absolutely purred as she was doing the unthinkable.

"Get your filthy hands off her!" Bill shouted as he burst into the room.

Mulder and Scully looked at him from where they sat side by side on the bed, fully dressed, and completely neat in appearance. Bill blinked in surprise and shock, not comprehending that they were still dressed and quite decent.

"I don't understand," he said stupidly.

"Bill?" Dana inquired.

"I thought…I thought that…"

"That we were doing the horizontal mambo…making the beast with two backs…dancing between the sheets…"

Scully shot Mulder an amused look at and he smiled back.

"Yes, that," Bill ground out, flushed with embarrassment.

"And we're back to that is still none of your business," Scully said, glaring at her brother. "You are in my house and what I do here is up to me."

"But I'm a guest in your house," Bill sputtered.

"A guest with no sense of humor," Mulder said helpfully.

"Again, it's my house…"

"Apartment actually," Mulder said and Scully shot him a look, silencing him.

"As I was saying, Bill, my house and I can do whatever I want here. And whether or not I seduce Mulder is my business."

Bill remained silent, but was getting redder by the minute, no doubt due to a rise in blood pressure.

"I would like to weigh in on this and vote yes on your seducing me," Mulder chimed in.

Bill scowled at him, and Scully laughed.

"But you're….you're touching her!" Bill said through grated teeth.

"Bill, she's an adult woman and I touch her all the time. Like this," Mulder said and touched the small of Scully's back. Then he touched her arm, then her shoulders, and then he took her face in her hand and pushed her cheeks together so that she looked like a fish.

She hit him and he laughed.

"Give her some credit, Bill, let her live her own life. She's an amazing, intelligent, brave, tough as nails, independent, beautiful, incredible woman."

Mulder was staring at Scully with a soft smile on his face, his expression was anything but joking.

"You sound like you love her," Bill took a deep breath to prevent himself from hyperventilating.

"Yeah, I do, don't I?" He offered Scully's brother a lopsided smile and then turned to Scully, who surprised him by leaning forward and kissing him, full on the lips, in front of Bill.

Bill, simply couldn't take anymore. He wasn't sure how much of it was a joke on him, and how much of it was real and he couldn't stick around to find out. Enough was enough. He turned on his heel, stalked into Dana's living room, picked up his coat, and left, slamming the door behind him to the sound of their laughter.

**What Really Happened…**

Scully stormed into the guest room, slamming the door behind her, not noticing that it didn't stay shut. She was so mad she was shaking with her fury.

"Hey," Mulder said softly, his voice inquiring as to her anger.

"Hey!" She said in an angry voice.

"That's not for me, is it? I've been sitting in here going over our case file like a good boy."

"No, it's Bill!" He watched as she ground her teeth together.

"That's really bad for your dental work you know."

"What?" She stopped her train of thought, taking in his words and gave a short bark of laughter. "Mulder…"

"That's almost a smile, so I'll take it. Big brother Bill trying to push you around again?"

"Always."

"What this time?"

"He started going on about you."

"So what else is new? I'm surprised he made it through dinner," he snorted. "You should be used to it by now, why let him get under your skin?" Mulder set the file aside and stood up and walked over to her, taking her in his arms.

"He said all sorts of things about you and implied that everyone thinks we're sleeping together."

"Dana, I hate to tell you this, but everyone has thought that for years, and …we are now."

"Yes, but he was so condescending."

"He's Bill, remember," Mulder sighed and kissed the top of her head. "Just forget about it and tell him to go home. Then we can finish out the rest of the night and pretend he was never here."

Scully stiffened within his embrace and he wondered what was about to happen, such a reaction from her was usually not a positive thing.

"Scully?" He queried.

She pulled back from his embrace and looked him in the face, a slow smile spreading across her own, and her clear blue eyes twinkling with evil mischief.

"Mulder, I have an idea."

"I'm afraid to ask," he took a step away in mock terror but she pulled him back.

"And I need your help," she said, eyes pleading with him,

"To do what?" His eyes were full of suspicion, but he knew he would give in to her.

"To play Bill. He thinks we're doing something, so let's sound like we're doing something; only not really."

Mulder's brow wrinkled in confusion, until the pieces fell into place a few moments later. "Oh, you want him to believe we're doing it."

"Yes, then when he assumes the worse he'll be completely embarrassed at his inappropriate behavior and I can hold it over his head."

"Blackmail, Scully?" Mulder chided her, but then with a laugh, pulled her close. "That's my girl."

She giggled softly against his chest.

"You know if you really wanted to embarrass him we could really do it…"

"Mulder!"

"Just saying…" He sighed. "Okay, how do you want to start?"

"I don't know, just say something and I'll respond. I'm used to you by now."

He smiled at her, his eyes twinkling in glee and they heard the unmistakable sound of Bill almost tripping outside of the door. He gave her a quick nod.

"Are you ready, Scully?"

"About as ready as I'm going to get tonight, Mulder."

"You don't sound like you're in the mood."

"Maybe you'll have to get me in the mood," she said, her voice dropping.

"That, I can do."

Mulder took her hand and led her over to the bed where they sat side by side. He gestured for her to turn so that her back was to him and began to massage her neck and shoulders.

"Mmm I like that," his sister purred.

"Then I'll continue, but this would be easier with less clothing" Mulder said, and there was more rustling.

"Careful with that, I like that top."

"No problem," he promised. "Now where is your sensitive spot?"

"Lower please," she coached as his hand went lower on her back and began to work her tense muscles. He was a bit startled when she moaned, and chuckled quietly.

"I take it I've found a spot?"

"Oh, honey, you have no idea." She paused for a moment, and then winked at him. "Fair is fair, off with your shirt," she said and he continued to nibble her neck.

"Oh, Dana, you know what I like." Mulder growled.

"I like your chest and this," she murmured and he groaned, and then tried not to laugh as he buried his face against her neck.

"Ohh, Mulder, so nice and firm, just the way I like it."

"Stroke it, honey, stroke it," Mulder implored.

Scully turned around to face him, trying not to laugh.

"Oh, you stopped," he said in the most disappointed voice he could muster.

Scully grinned at him, clearly enjoying the charade. "Do you trust me, Mulder?"

"Of course," he answered.

"Then I have a surprise for you. Come here," she said, her voice dropping an octave and sounding sexy.

'You are so turning me on," he whispered in her ear so that only she could hear. "Do you really have a surprise for me?"

"Only if you're a good boy." She let her hands wander to his crotch area for just a moment and found him deliciously hard. "We'll have to do something about that later."

"Promise?" he asked, their voices only audible to them during this exchange.

Mulder pulled Scully to him and kissed her softly, and she kissed him back. After a few moments they broke it off and resumed their conversation.

"Scully? What are you doing?" He added some apprehension to his voice and waited for Scully to come up with something. She made some inaudible murmur just loud enough that Bill would think she was answering him.

"Ohh, kinky!" He gushed at the sound of Scully's murmured voice and she shot him an exasperated look. "You're going to tie me up?" He asked.

"Yes. Then I'm going to torture you," she said, biting her cheek, trying not to laugh.

'Do tell. And how do you plan to do that?" Mulder drawled.

"It's simple, I start by working on your chest…and gradually make my way south…"

She leaned in to him and kissed him again, and they practiced their art form for a few more moments before breaking off again.

"Oh, Scully, I like south…"

"Then I open your pants so that I can do this..." She purred, and his mouth dropped open in astonishment as he stared at her.

"Get your filthy hands off her!" Bill shouted as he burst into the room.

Mulder and Scully looked at him from where they sat side by side on the bed, fully dressed, and completely neat in appearance. Bill blinked in surprise and shock, not comprehending that they were still dressed and quite decent.

"I don't understand," he said stupidly.

"Bill?" Dana inquired.

"I thought…I thought that…"

"That we were doing the horizontal mambo…making the beast with two backs…dancing between the sheets…"

Scully shot Mulder an amused look at and he smiled back.

"Yes, that," Bill ground out, flushed with embarrassment.

"And we're back to that is still none of your business," Scully said, glaring at her brother. "You are in my house and what I do here is up to me."

"But I'm a guest in your house," Bill sputtered.

"A guest with no sense of humor," Mulder said helpfully.

"Again, it's my house…"

"Apartment actually," Mulder said and Scully shot him a look, silencing him.

"As I was saying, Bill, my house and I can do whatever I want here. And whether or not I seduce Mulder is my business."

Bill remained silent, but was getting redder by the minute, no doubt due to a rise in blood pressure.

"I would like to weigh in on this and vote yes on your seducing me," Mulder chimed in.

Bill scowled at him, and Scully laughed.

"But you're….you're touching her!" Bill said through grated teeth.

"Bill, she's an adult woman and I touch her all the time. Like this," Mulder said and touched the small of Scully's back. Then he touched her arm, then her shoulders, and then he took her face in her hand and pushed her cheeks together so that she looked like a fish.

She hit him and he laughed.

"Give her some credit, Bill, let her live her own life. She's an amazing, intelligent, brave, tough as nails, independent, beautiful, incredible woman."

Mulder was staring at Scully with a soft smile on his face, his expression was anything but joking.

"You sound like you love her," Bill took a deep breath to prevent himself from hyperventilating.

"Yeah, I do, don't I?" He offered Scully's brother a lopsided smile and then turned to Scully, who surprised him by leaning forward and kissing him, full on the lips, in front of Bill.

Bill, simply couldn't take anymore. He turned on his heel, stalked into Dana's living room to the sound of their laughter. After a few more seconds, they heard the sound of the door slamming behind him.

Mulder took Scully's face between his two hands and held it gently, he leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on her lips. She stared back at him in wonder.

"Mulder, what you said?" Her expression was open and earnest, and he wondered if he had gone too far with his emotions.

"Yeah?" He swallowed nervously.

"Did you mean it?"

"That I love you?" He sighed, leaned forward and placed another gentle kiss on her lovely soft lips. "Yeah, Dana, I do."

"Well, I feel the same way," she said and dropped her gaze away from his.

"Come here," he said and pulled her to him, and then toppled them over so that they lie on the bed, face to face.

They spent several minutes kissing, and softly touching each other until their passions began to heat.

Eyes sparkling happily, Mulder regarded the woman that he loved. "Now, about that reward?"

"Reward?" She offered him an innocent expression. "Oh, that."

"Yes, that. I helped you, now you help me. Pay up."

"And how would you suggest I do that?"

"You're creative, I'm sure you'll come up with something." His hazel eyes twinkled in merriment.

Scully ran her hand down his chest, rubbing it back and forth just above the edge of his jeans. "Hmm, perhaps we could travel….south?" She let her hands smooth over the fly of his jeans.

He caught his breath and swallowed, taking a deep breath, trying to control his voice. "As I said, I like south…"

"Then south it is," She said and undid his zipper. "Now for your reward…"

"I can hardly wait," he growled as she put her hands on him, and all verbal conversation ceased.


	5. Some Assembly Required

_Disclaimer: I do not own the X Files, it is owned by Chris Carter and Fox. This is written for fun and not profit._

_AN: This will be ongoing as I find time for it. Please read and review and let me know if you like and want more? Reviews make the writing worth it._

_**Summary: A collection of shorts where various people overhear Mulder and Scully and make assumptions…most of the time they are wrong…**_

…_**this one is after Millennium but before All Things…**_

**Overheard – Part Four**

By Dark Poltergeist

**Some Assembly Required**

The elevator doors opened and Melvin Frohike marched down the hallway to Mulder's apartment. He tried the buzzer a couple of times but when no one answered he immediately suspected the worst and ever so quietly let himself into this friend's apartment with a key that he tucked in his back pocket.

_Just what in the hell was Mulder up to? They had an appointment as of five minute ago but he hadn't opened the door. Was he all right? Or had something happened to him? It would be just like him to get kidnapped or something when they had a meeting scheduled. Stupid bastard!_

He stopped mentally chastising his friend when he heard the murmur of voices nearby and softly padded over to stand just outside of Mulder's bedroom door.

_Yup, that was Mulder, and my god! Was he actually with a woman? Pigs must be flying because he couldn't remember the last time Mulder had taken a woman home. Mulder's decline in his consorting activities with woman seemed directly proportional to the impact of the lovely Agent Scully in his life and Frohike had no doubt that his friend had it very bad for his outstanding partner. Too bad Mulder wasn't brave enough to say something._

_Still, at least he was with some woman and that was some in of progress, as long as it wasn't anyone like that witch he had once married, Diana Fowley._

Melvin shuddered.

_He never told Mulder but despite the hurt his friend felt when his wife ditched him, Frohike had been relieved, he knew that woman was nothing but trouble and he didn't trust her as far as he could throw her. Now the delectable Dr. Scully was another matter entirely. She was gorgeous, intelligent, loyal, compassionate, and above all, trustworthy. And ounce of Scully was worth the entire weight of truckloads of Diana's. And he knew she loved Mulder too. If only those two stupid kids would figure it out!_

The voices picked up in volume and curious, Frohike couldn't help but listen.

"Mulder, really? You think that' going to fit in here?" Scully's tone was skeptical.

_Shit! It was Scully._

"I think so, yes, I'm positive it will," he finished with an air of confidence.

"Really?"

_I bet that beautiful red head is standing there with her arms crossed in front of her._

"Well, maybe?" He sighed. "It is a rather small space, isn't it?"

"And that part in your hand looks a little too big," she mused uncertainly. "Are you sure it goes there?"

_What the hell? Just what were they talking about? Were they getting ready to do the horizontal dance?_

"Scully! Give me some credit please. I don't need instructions for everything!" He huffed.

_Good God, Mulder, I hope not!_

"I don't know, Mulder, it's a pretty thick manual."

"Well, I like the position on page ten…"

"Of course you do," Scully snorted with laughter. "Fine. So should we put part A into slot B?"

Frohike was briefly confused as his mind mentally tried to find page ten in several naughty manuals but couldn't come up with anything conclusive, and then focused in on the fact that Scully quite matter of factly just told Mulder to…well…to…

"Ohh, Scully," his voice was filled with suggestive undertones.

"All right, He-Man, go to it."

"Just watch…" he breathed.

_Watch? Mulder what the hell? You want to do anything but watch…_

Then there was some huffing and puffing for a long few moments.

"Mulder, stop," Scully said and took a deep breath.

"No, I can do this!"

"Stop!"

"Scully," he whined.

"You're not getting very far, are you?"

"No," he sulked.

"This shouldn't be so hard..."

"It's very hard, so hard it hurts my brain..."

"Your brain? That explains a lot," Scully said and laughed.

_No shit!_

"Scully!"

"Stop whining. I know we can figure this out…it's probably the angle of penetration…."

"Oh, Dana, I'm so turned on…"

"Yes, I can tell," she giggled. "Come on, back to business. Here, I'll move my leg like that, now you should have better access…more room…"

"This is so much better than twister…" he murmured and then started humming.

"Mulder?"

"Scully?"

"You're not doing it right."

"Says you. I beg to differ. I think my angle of penetration is just fine."

"Fine, at least push then!"

"I'm pushing but nothing is happening!"

"Then you're doing it wrong." A pause and it sounded like some shifting around. "Come on, Mulder, harder!"

_I'm going to stroke out; these two are going to give me a heart attack…_

"You'd better not ask for faster…this is a finesse project…" he grunted.

"This is ridiculous!"

"Now I am offended," Mulder said in a hurt voice.

"Mulder stop, we need to regroup and try it again."

There were some noises and it sounded like they separated.

"Maybe you were right the first time, Scully. Maybe it's too big to fit into that small piece…"

"I think there needs to be more lubrication," Scully said in a pragmatic voice.

"All right, hold out your hands."

"Mulder!"

"Come on, it's just a little lube to help things slide better."

"No," she said.

"Fine, then you hold it and I'll grease it," he suggested.

"Fine," she agreed.

"Come on, Scully, when was the last time you held something that hard?"

"It has been a while," she murmured.

_Jesus, he shouldn't be listening, he shouldn't be listening, he shouldn't be listening…_

Another pause followed by shuffling and groaning.

"There, all done. So what do you say, Scully? Ready to try again?"

Frohike could hear the leer in Mulder's voice.

"Yes. Yes, I am. I'll hold still while you guide it in…"

"Now you're talking G woman! I can't wait to pound this puppy in place."

"Easy, Mulder, slower," her voice coaxed him.

"Oh, sorry guess I'm a bit anxious…I want to do this right…"

_God did Mulder have a lot to learn. How could he treat Scully, his Scully so callously?_

"What happened to Frohike? Maybe he should be here too?

Frohike could be heard picking his jaw up off the floor from where it had fallen.

"You think he'd be better at this than me?"

"Right about now I'm thinking…yes."

Frohike swelled with pride.

"But, Scully, three's a crowd."

"Not always, and I'd bet he'd be better at this than you are."

"Yeah, well he's older, he's had more experience," Mulder grumped.

_Poor Mulder, embarrassed in front of his woman. _

Frohike couldn't intrude, not even if Mulder was the worst lover in all creation.

_Funny, he always thought that Mulder was a talented lover, one that took the time to make sure the woman enjoyed herself, that she happily screamed his name before he saw to his own pleasure. After what he heard tonight, how horribly awkward and inept Mulder was, well, he just had pity for the poor man. _

Shaking his head sadly, he departed from the agents who never been aware of his presence.

**What really happened…**

Mulder stood in the doorway of his bedroom, hands on hips as he surveyed the room that lie in disarray before him. The bedroom wasn't as bad as it looked, it was just very cluttered. He moved the magazines and various reports and paper files into the living room. He found his bed was actually in pretty good shape and stripped the sheets off so that he could wash them. Satisfied that he was making progress, he looked around and saw an open space near the wall that looked big enough to put a new bookcase in, and if he had a new bookcase he could get those magazines and papers off the floor, thereby keeping his bedroom neat. That would make Scully happy. She deserved better than the couch when she stayed over and he had been promising to clean up for a while. He removed a couple of blankets that had been folded haphazardly in the corner and to his surprise, found a box that contained a set of metal shelves that were new but had yet to be assembled. Clearly this idea had occurred to him before but he had never followed the thought through to completion. It wasn't the prettiest shelf, but it was here and if he used it he wouldn't have to go out and get one. If he really didn't like it he could always buy another one later.

He opened the box and started pulling out the various parts and pieces.

An hour later he was surprised to look up and see Scully standing in the door to his bedroom, an amused smiled on her face.

"What?" He asked, grinning up at her.

"You've been busy," she said.

"Yeah, well I got started and didn't want to stop."

"Believe me, if you're cleaning I'm not about to stop you."

"You make it sound like I never do it."

She gave him a look that was both amused and reproving at the same time, and he chuckled.

"All right, so maybe not so much."

"So what are you doing now?" Scully inclined her head at the scattered pieces of something that were on the floor around Mulder's bed.

"It's a bookshelf," he said happily.

"And you're putting it together?" She tried not to laugh out loud.

"Yes. Can't you tell?"

She laughed out loud, but tried to quiet her laughter at Mulder's hurt expression.

"Wouldn't this be easier with the bed out of the way?"

"Guess I didn't think of that. I just thought if I could put this bookshelf together I could get most of the magazines and paperwork off the floor."

"Magazines?" She arched an eyebrow and gave him the look.

"National Geographic, I assure you."

"Uh, huh." She paused. "You could still move the bed you know."

"Nah, I'll just work around it."

"Do you need some help?" Scully asked.

"Are you offering?" His eyes twinkled playfully.

"Sure, why not?" She shrugged. "I've helped to put many a bookshelf together." She took off her jacket and laid it on the bed. "Where are you?"

He spread out the instructions on the bed. "Here I think."

"Mulder, really? You think that' going to fit in here?" Scully's tone was skeptical as she eyed the spot on the wall where he indicated it should go.

"I think so, yes, I'm positive it will," he finished with an air of confidence.

"Really?" She crossed her arms in front of her and regarded him with a questioning gaze.

"Well, maybe?" He sighed. "It is a rather small space, isn't it?"

"And that part in your hand looks a little too big," she mused uncertainly. "Are you sure it goes there?" She indicated the other piece of the bookshelf that his hand hovered above.

"Scully! Give me some credit please. I don't need instructions for everything!" He huffed.

"I don't know, Mulder, it's a pretty thick manual," she teased, flipping through all four pages.

"Well, I like the position on page ten…"

"Of course you do," Scully snorted with laughter. "Fine. So should we put part A into slot B?"

"Ohh, Scully," his voice was filled with suggestive undertones, as he waggled his eyebrows in her direction.

"All right, He-Man, go to it."

"Just watch…" he said, and tried to push the shelf joiner into the end of one of the shelves. It took more effort than he expected and after several long moments of struggling, he was no closer to achieving his goal.

"Mulder, stop," Scully said and took a deep breath.

"No, I can do this!"

"Stop!"

"Scully," he whined.

"You're not getting very far, are you?"

"No," he sulked.

"This shouldn't be so hard..."

"It's very hard, so hard it hurts my brain..." he complained with a pout.

"Your brain? That explains a lot," Scully said and laughed.

"Scully!"

"Stop whining. I know we can figure this out…it's probably the angle of penetration…." She regretted the words as soon as they were out of her mouth, and felt herself turning a lovely shade of crimson.

"Oh, Dana, I'm so turned on…" he dropped a hand over his crotch and gave her a playful leer.

"Yes, I can tell," she giggled. "Come on, back to business. Here, I'll move my leg like that," she said and moved her leg as far away from Mulder as possible given their confined area. "Now you should have better access…more room…"

"This is so much better than twister…" he murmured, gave her a mischievous look and then started humming to himself as he once again tried to put the pieces together.

"Mulder?"

"Scully?"

"You're not doing it right."

"Says you. I beg to differ. I think my angle of penetration is just fine."

"Fine, at least push then!"

"I'm pushing but nothing is happening!"

"Then you're doing it wrong." Scully scooted closer to Mulder so she could get a better look at what he was doing. "Come on, Mulder, harder!"

"You'd better not ask for faster…this is a finesse project…" he grunted.

"This is ridiculous!"

"Now I am offended," Mulder said in a hurt voice.

"Mulder stop, we need to regroup and try it again."

Mulder set the pieces aside and glared at them in reproach.

"Maybe you were right the first time, Scully. Maybe it's too big to fit into that small piece…"

"I think there needs to be more lubrication," Scully said in a pragmatic voice.

"All right, hold out your hands."

"Mulder!"

"Come on, it's just a little lube to help things slide better," he reached around for a tube of some unnamed gel.

"No," she said.

"Fine, then you hold it and I'll grease it," he suggested.

"Fine," she agreed after a moment's pause, and took the offending piece of metal from his hand.

"Come on, Scully, when was the last time you held something that hard?" He smirked at her.

"It has been a while," she murmured, and grinned at his shocked look.

Mulder groaned and rolled his eyes as if in pain, but grinned at her the next moment. "There, all done. So what do you say, Scully? Ready to try again?"

Scully heard the teasing leer in Mulder's voice and was ready to play along.

"Yes, I am. I'll hold still while you guide it in…" She dropped her voice to a sultry whisper.

"Now you're talking G woman! I can't wait to pound this puppy in place." Mulder had somehow actually gotten distracted by what he was doing, concentrating on not being bested by parts of a bookcase...

"Easy, Mulder, slower," Scully coaxed him, trying to get his attention.

"Oh, sorry guess I'm a bit anxious…I want to do this right…"

Scully looked at the clock in the bedroom as a thought occurred to her.

"What happened to Frohike? Maybe he should be here too?"

"You think he'd be better at this than me?"

"Right about now I'm thinking…yes."

"But, Scully, three's a crowd." He gave her a lopsided smile and she knew she had his attention again.

"Not always, and I'd bet he'd be better at this than you are."

"Yeah, well he's older, he's had more experience," Mulder grumped.

They paused for a few moments and looked at each other when they heard a noise from outside the bedroom.

"Frohike?" Mulder called but there was no response. He looked at Scully and shrugged.

She got off the floor and walked out of the bedroom and returned a minute later and looked at Mulder.

"Anything?" He asked.

"No, no one, I guess we were hearing things." She eyed the scattered pieces of the bookshelf on the floor. "What are you going to do with that?"

"Put it away I guess. I am clearly not going to win this battle today." He sighed.

"Do you have the receipt? You could return it and get a new one."

"Are you kidding me?" Mulder snorted.

"What?"

"I found it on the floor under a couple of blankets," he admitted sheepishly.

"Oh, Mulder." Scully tone was filled with disappointment.

"Oh, come on, Scully, I'm trying. I'll get a new bookshelf." He scrambled to his feet and walked over towards the door, and her.

She stopped and looked at his earnest expression and it occurred to her that he was really making an effort at something, but she wasn't sure at what.

"Mulder? Why are you trying so hard? This is about more than cleaning up, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is." He stopped to stand in front of her, hazel eyes meeting blue, and she saw something she couldn't explain, some intense emotion that he couldn't quite mask. "It's about you."

"Me? What does cleaning have to do with me?" She continued to look into his eyes that were still dark with emotion.

"It's just that…I want you to be comfortable when you come over. If you stay over I want you to have a nice place to stay."

"The bed?" Her eyes strayed to the bed and for the first time she realized that the sheets were stripped off and probably being washed.

"Yeah, I normally sleep on the couch and with the room cleaned up you'd have a better place to sleep."

Scully blinked, left speechless by Mulder's unexpected thoughtfulness.

"I mean, if you're comfortable with that. I've come in here because of how messy it's been and left you on the couch, but that's not right either. You deserve better…"

"Mulder, stop babbling." She sighed as she looked into his eyes and placed her hands on his chest. She saw him practically swallow his Adam's apple.

"Scully," he said, his voice lower than she had ever heard it. "Maybe you should go?"

"You don't want me here?"

"Believe me when I tell you it's just the opposite." He stepped away and turned his back to her and tried to control his breathing.

She watched him for a moment suddenly understanding his unnamed emotion and what he was now trying to control, the out that he was giving her. They had kissed but not yet taken things all the way, though she knew the thought crossed both of their minds with more frequency of late.

"Hey, Mulder," her tone was teasing.

"Scully?" He turned his head towards her, but remained standing where he was.

"It's okay. I'm flattered actually."

"Flattered," he muttered.

Why did he sound so defeated?

She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him from behind, resting her head against his back. They stood quietly like that for a few moments. Then she released him and walked around to stand in front of him.

"Look at me," she said and waited until he met her gaze.

"What?" He asked softly.

"I'll get there, I'm almost there, but I have to be sure. You know that about me..."

"Yeah, I guess I do," he gave her a crooked smile.

"And I'd love a make out session..."

"What? Like high school?" He grinned at her.

"…except I don't know that either of us would want to, or be able to stop…"

"Probably not," he agreed. "And it should be perfect…" he whispered.

"No, Mulder, not perfect, it just has to be right for us. I don't want us to stop or backtrack, only go forward."

"I want that too, no one night stands…" He took her hand in his as they intertwined their fingers.

"No, not for us. So you understand?"

"Yeah, Scully, I do. When you're ready, I'll be here."

"Good," she said and removing her hand from his, wrapped her hands around the back of his head and pulled him down into a kiss. It was decisive as she opened her mouth to him and took in his breath.

His heart beat wildly as he kissed her, as she opened herself to him and he tasted the mint on her breath, tongues fencing playfully as the kiss deepened and they attempted to inhale each other. He pulled her tight against him and left no doubt about his desire for her.

Needing to breath, they broke apart, staring into one another's eyes, trying to regain some semblance of control.

"That's why I can't stay," Scully said, and dropped her hand to gently rub Mulder's the front of Mulder's jeans before stepping away. "Soon, Mulder. Someday soon."

"I'll wait, Scully. I'll wait forever."

His earnest expression nearly broke her heart.

"Put the bookshelf away and get a new one. If I'm going to stay here from time to time you need to finish cleaning up." She gave him a smile filled with promise. "Especially if this ends up being our room..."

"Our room?" Mulder's face lighted with joy that he couldn't contain. "I guess I need to get that bookshelf then." He grinned. "Want some dinner before you head out? We can always order a pizza? Or Chinese? I promise to stay on my side of the room."

"I'll stay if you order Thai," she said and turned to leave the bedroom.

"Thai it is," he agreed and turned off the light behind them.


End file.
